Creating an Emotional Safe Space: How to Really be in Control of Your Emotions
“When you experience a strong emotion, invite your muscles to relax around any areas where you feel the emotion in the body. Imagine yourself making space for the emotion [and] directing compassionate attention to the physical experience of it in your body.” — Dennis Tirch
Let’s break down this quote together. Sometimes emotions overwhelm us to the extent where we don’t know how to deal with them so our instincts ask us to suppress them or even ignore them. Tirch is asking us to do the exact opposite. How terrifying is that?
When I studied theatre, the first skill we were taught was to speak our characters’ truth. No matter how painful or unrealistic, we were to bring them to life through their truths. And emotions were very much their truths. So, when and if emotionally numb, it’d be nearly impossible for an actor to play their character fully. Why? Well, it's simple really when an actor doesn’t know their own truth, they aren’t self-aware. They do not know what serves them and what hinders them so how will they be able to determine their characters?
Well, the same goes for everyday life. When self-awareness is achieved, our emotions come to the forefront and somehow we are forced to experience them. When experiencing an emotion do not suppress it. Do not ignore it and do not numb yourself. Feel it. Feel every single moment of it, but do not let it consume you.
Acknowledge where in your body you can feel your emotion, acknowledge why you are feeling that emotion, and most importantly validate that you have every right to feel it. When dealing with emotions, understand that sometimes our reactions don’t make sense but are still very valid. Once you acknowledge and validate your emotional experience, you’ll see a shift in how you deal with emotions. You’ll be able to observe them and allow them to flow through you. They will no longer consume you, because you aren’t dismissing them, or avoiding them. You’re confronting your truth.
When we decide to put our emotions on a shelf, we’re dismissing them or invalidating them giving them a life force of their own. And when we do that, they begin to grow, and eventually, they’ll consume us.
So when Tirch says “…Imagine yourself making space for the emotion [and] directing compassionate attention to the physical experience of it in your body.” imagine exactly that. When we make room for our emotions, we automatically become aware of them. We allow ourselves to feel what we need to feel, take what we need to take, and grow overall.
Let me give you an example.
I spent nine out of twelve months of my senior year at university completely emotionally numb. At the time, I was thoroughly impressed with myself until a director friend asked me if I wanted to partake in their play. I said no I can’t do this because I knew the play was emotionally demanding and at the time, I wasn’t prepared to deal with nine months of emotional trauma. After all, I have been avoiding my emotions for a reason. The director took me to the side and said as a director, I understand but as a friend, I think you should do this.
I am so grateful I got to act in that play for many reasons. But mostly, the rehearsals gave me a safe environment to explore my emotional trauma as an observer. I felt every single emotion, asked them what I could learn from them, gave them the space they needed. But when they had served their purpose, I asked them to leave and thanked them for my experience.
As strange as this all sounds, I was redirected towards myself, and I did exactly what Tirch suggested to do without knowing. I gave space to my emotions and allowed them to teach me something, and when they fulfilled their purpose, I moved on. Healthily and happily.
No matter how far you think you’ve outrun yourself, you will always be redirected towards yourself, and eventually forced to better yourself. It isn’t the easiest thing in the world, but it is the most rewarding because, at the end of this crazy journey, you’ll be your own emotional safe space.
