Creating an Emotional Safe Space: You vs The World’s Projections of You

Throughout my journey of searching within, I noticed that people who dismiss how I feel only do so because they dismiss their own emotions. It is almost always never personal. I know that’s a mouth full, but extremely important to understand. The way I feel should not be linked to the way anyone else feels and vice versa. No one can validate my emotions but me. Don’t get me wrong, it can be exhausting, trying to communicate efficiently how you feel and just because someone dismisses it does not make your emotions invalid.

So, I think another skill you need to have to maintain your emotional safe space is to be able to differentiate between yourself and others’ projections. Sometimes it is so difficult to do so because we seek their validation. And when their validation doesn’t come through we see it as our own failure (even though it's not).

Let me explain.

Over the past few years, I have managed to create a workout routine that works for me. It took me two years to be able to maintain daily exercise. I started off with 5 minutes every other day, and eventually pushed myself to exercise between half an hour to an hour daily. Again, this is something that works for me.

A couple of months ago, a friend and I went on a walk together. For one reason or another, our exercise routines came up. I explained to them that I exercise daily because at the moment it is something I feel I need. Their response was to immediately shut me down and emphasize that what I am doing will do more harm than good.

Let’s take a step back. In this scenario: I am me, and my friend is the world. When I shared how I felt, their response was to invalidate my emotions because it didn’t work for them. Their reaction wasn’t personal, but in that moment I didn’t fit into their world’s perspective, and so in order for me to, they shut me down.

The way I see it, this scenario could have two very different aftermaths. One, I would stop listening to my body and its needs because a friend told me to and I seek their validation. Or, two, I would realize that they are projecting their own journey onto me and the way I feel is still very much valid. I’m not going to lie but at first, when I heard their response I felt as if I was doing something very wrong to my body. But before I could allow myself to overthink, I gently reminded myself of my boundaries.

I guess what I was trying to say is that for some reason, we might not be able to differentiate between our own emotions, and the emotions someone’s trying to project on us. That’s why emotional boundaries are so important in all types of relationships. I know that my friend’s reaction is completely valid; I understood that what they said wasn’t directed at myself, but might be a projection of where they currently are. If I hadn’t been able to differentiate that, I think I’d be telling a very different story here.

There are all types of boundaries for you to explore while creating your safe space. With self-awareness comes setting boundaries. Sometimes they are easily created and implemented, while other times it might not be so. But when you know who you are, and what you want from this world, maintaining boundaries will help differentiate who you are, and who the world wants you to be.